The Best Blessings In Being Single

I know in the last post, I presented a side of singleness that is more spiritually focused, mentally disciplining, and just plain hard to do sometimes.  I wanted to follow up with more practically positive things about being in an single state, possibly extended beyond what you've imagined should be "fair".  Primarily for my own mental peace and as an act of disciplining my mind to focus on whatever is pure, lovely and true, I have a running list of "blessings from God in my singlehood" for a woman (or male) to ponder while living life in an unmarried state.  These may or may not appeal to you, so feel free to chime in with your own list of blessings.

1)  My time is my own to choose to do what I want to do with it
2)  I don't have to watch the hunting channel ever, if I don't want to.
3)  I don't have to share the Wii.
4)  I always get to spend every holiday season with my family without having to spend it with in-laws.
5)  I get to pick my own radio station and leave it there for as long as I want and listen to it as loud or soft as I want to.

I want to put a little caveat here... I have been told before by a married man who, honestly, has shown himself to be fairly foolish with his time and his relationships that he, in a way, envied a single person because it gave license to be totally selfish and focus on doing whatever YOU want to do.    

Let's be clear... being single does not give you license to be selfish anymore than having a pool justifies you drowning someone in it.  (How 'bout THAT analogy?)  Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.  Period.

6)  Spend time with friends without having to pass it by anybody else
7)  I love having more time to read and study uninterrupted by the pitter patter of little feet... or the shuffling of dusty, adult-sized Redwings across my newly mopped tile floor. :)
8)  I can make dinner consisting of what I like to eat... which might be a bowl of cereal or an apple.  Only. Or, a three course meal with friends!
9)  I think being single allows me more time to dream dreams for what I believe the Lord has for my life.
10)  I get to pray and praise outloud anytime, even if it is 2:27 AM on a week day and not worry about disturbing anyone.
11)  I get to spend more time doing ministry with and towards other families because I am not, at this time, having to take care of my own family.
12)  Singleness provides more time for preparation for the season of life that might include a spouse and possibly children.  This preparation time might include taking cooking classes, learning more about health and wellness, learning to garden or basic mending, learning and maintaining financial responsibility, picking up a new craft for bringing in household revenue later on, or spending time investing in other married couples and learning what are some big hurdles that married people go through no matter your race, culture, society, or age.
13)  Usually there is a lot of silence or quiet time where I can spend just thinking, which after talking to many married women with children, it seems like thinking without interruption is a luxury.  :)
14)  Travelling at any time, planned or unplanned, alone or with friends or family.
15) I think that periods of singleness do include times of loneliness.  However, I have had married woman after married woman tell me that loneliness is NOT specific to singles.  It is the white elephant in the living room of many married people's homes... and can actually be the cause of people leaving marriage to become single once again because their needs are not being fulfilled in the way they would like.  I choose to look at these moments, periods of loneliness, as building up my character.  A lot of times, loneliness provides an emotional impetus for me to seek out Christ more urgently, more frequently and find Him in the tightest of places and in the vast expanse of life.  It is in those moments of finding Him when no other person is around, I am changed for the better.

One of the greatest blessings the Lord has provided for me in prolonged singleness is the fact that, if and when the Lord provides a godly mate for me to do life with, I will be so grateful for our time and my season of waiting will enhance the time eventually spent together. 

"Wait on the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord."  Psalm 27:14   

Waiting is not bad.  Unfortunately, we are culturized enough, Christians included, that we believe that waiting for any length of time at all is a punishment of sorts and immediacy is our entitlement.  This is simply not truth.  God has plenty to say to us while we are "in the waiting".  Maybe we should take this time to listen... really hear what He is saying when you're by yourself, uninterrupted, quiet.  Appreciate the silence and intimate time with Christ and realize, more than likely, there will be a time somewhere down the path you are travelling where mere seconds of uninterrupted time will seem like a Godsend.  What is He trying to tell you as a single person?  What lessons are being taught in the quiet moments of your day in possible preparation for marriage?  Can God trust you to be thankful in times that don't look exactly like you'd envisioned or prefer?  Take an inventory of your thoughts and actions and conversations... what percentage is spent on complaining over the state of your life or the lack of your preferred provision?

My mom has said this for years that in a lot of cases, NOT ALL, but a lot of cases, a depressed or unhappy person is one who is entirely too self-focused and spends time wallowing in his problems rather than helping others through theirs.  I think in many cases, this is the truth.  If we would focus on others and do what we can to serve them, our own "plight" really comes becomes the tool Christ uses to minister to others.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."  Proverbs 3:5-6

Until whenever, enjoy your singleness... use your time wisely... serve others graciously... give of yourself generously... love selflessly ... and above all, trust Christ ruthlessly.  In these things, you will become a woman who pleases the Lord and the benefactor of God's very best gifts... perhaps in a tall, dark and handsome package.  :) 

SinGLE - Party of One - SinGLE

Want to pitch out some articles or series of written entries that I have read about singleness, courtship, relationships in general. These primarily came from my blogging "friends" that I visit and read on regularly and wanted to share with my single readers. These are not only for SINGLE ladies and they are not only for single LADIES. They will impact the lives of those that read them no matter what your relationship status is. Let me say this, if you yourself are not single, there is a really good chance that someone you love (like your aunt or your daughter) is or will be sometime in their lifetime. These are really thoughtful and wise writers who have a strong spiritual heritage and recommendations to back up their reputations.

Check them out!!!

1) Carolyn McCulley's blog: Radical Womanhood -
Great article on the cultural romance "flu". It can change how you feel about love and courtship.
http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts/2009/06/youve-got-lies-chick-flicks-and-the-worlds-approach-to-men-and-marriage-.html

2) Carolyn Mahaney and her three grown daughters blog: Girl Talk -
Section of entries on what to do while your preparing for marriage and how not to waste your single years....Let's use the time positively we have while we still have it...
http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/category/courtship/

3) Nancy Leigh DeMoss blog- Reviving Our Hearts -
I LOVE her! She is herself a single women who just turned 50 and is so wise, discerning and solidly biblical when it comes to theology. Her article actually pertains to women who are married to "unbelievers" or a husband living as an "unbeliever".
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/uploads/ABCsSpiritualSingle.pdf

4) Lydia Brownback blog- The Purple Cellar -
Collection of short entries about facets of single life. I really enjoy reading everything on her blog.
http://purplecellar.blogspot.com/search/label/singleness

5) Titus2Talk
Great blog where they post lots of great pieces from around the web. They reference some very solid articles. This is their section on singles.
http://titus2talk.blogspot.com/search/label/Singles

I don't do that very often but thought I would show you around to the places that I visit from time to time and I haven't particularly talked to my single friends in a while.

So, blog out, venture away.... but be sure and come back.

In the Beginning...

My first post... hmmmm...

When one decides to embark on plastering one's own thoughts on the world wide network, doesn't it seem that you should have this profound word...one that speaks to the heart of someone. Quite possibly the heart of hundreds of someones. Maybe thousands. I expect there will be many discoveries along the blogging way, not the least of which will be how exactly to get the computer to do what I want it to do. I am looking forward to these discoveries and how they will impact my life and the lives of those who come to visit here. And by the way, who exactly came up with this idea that anyone can publish anything and in one click, deliver the "goods" in a moment's time to 3.2 1/2 gazillion people, some of whom can't even read this post due to language barriers? Props to you, sir or madam.

Did I just say "Props"? That is so not in my typical lingo. And so here it is, the first discovery along the blogging way. It seems that I could, in fact, broaden my verbal lexicon just by being here...on this blog...writing to you... See, you bring out the best in me! Seriously, this blog is a way to speak to those hearts that I miss spending time with due to geography, time, and money. There, of course, is always room for new hearts. So, come on in, welcome home, jump on board and let's do this thing together. And so...we begin...

A disclaimer to start with that I feel like I should throw out there just to cover my bases...

DISCLAIMER: I, in no way, presume to be an expert on this particular topic, but one that has studied and tried to prepare for the Lord's timing of what is to come. I'm sure that when and if the situation presents itself, there will be many more exhorations developed and probably reconstructed based on real life experience.

My Bible Study class has been studying in the book of Ezra. We got to talking about chapter 9 where the people of Israel had intermarried with those that were "forbidden" for lack of a better word. They were to keep separated, or set apart (which is the defintion of "holiness") from those that did not have Yahweh God as their god. Of course, in a class of single women, this veered slightly into a discussion about marriage. There was a sentence verbalized that really had a profound effect on me. Here it is:

"Never date or marry anyone who does not love Jesus Christ MORE than you do."

I know that probably you are thinking, "Well, of course." Hearing it put so concisely and directly really hit me. I think it was the way that it was stated. It was not said:

"Date/marry someone who is a Christian."
"Date/marry someone who is a Christian and is active in church."
"Date/marry someone who is a Christian and teaches Bible study and can quote Scripture."
"Date/marry someone who grew up in a Christian home."

Or even...
"Date/marry someone who loves Jesus."

Not even...
"Date/marry someone who loves Jesus as much as you do."

"Date/marry someone who loves Jesus MORE than you do." (restated in the affirmative)

To me, it was stating the obvious, but stating it in a way that crystallized how God wants marriage to be. Of course, this goes without saying that you (we) should be passionately seeking Christ with all our hearts as well. To be unified with someone who loves the Lord more than I do speaks that, in no uncertain terms, the man that the Lord has chosen for me, who will lead the family in closer communion with God, should be the spiritual leader. That is neither a role that we as females should have, nor covet. I believe that since marriage is to be primarily the example of how Christ loved the church and led her, so should be the man's role in a marriage. The way this happens with the least amount of strife is to be joined with one who loves Jesus more than you do. I would imagine it would make it easier to fulfill our role of submission to our husband if we knew that He was seeking to please the Lord in everything - from the way that he carries himself, to the way that he makes his decisions, the way he speaks, to the way that he treats others. If we, as women, were the more deeply spiritual leader of the home, we would tend to second-guess and question everything that he does, says, decides, chooses.

This concept is problematic in that it is very subjective. If we are making sure that he loves God more than we do, what standard do we hold to since we are holding our husband-to-be to said standard? I think it is a question that we ourselves should really ponder. Something to consider... I have also heard it said that while the husband should be the spiritual leader of the family, the godly wife is continuously challenging him spiritually. I do not mean challenging his leadership, his decisions and his overall headship of the home. I do mean that in order to maintain the godly leadership, he must stay in God's word, studying and praying to seek the heart of God so that his wife may not inadvertantly usurp his responsibility. We are to be helping him, supporting him, serving him, bringing his life before the Lord through prayer and petition, submitting to him and yet strengthening him through our steadfast spiritual walk and the example of action rather than strictly words which can sometime be construed as criticism and nagging.

If we, who are seeking a man like David, one who has been called "a man after God's own heart", expect such things from him, aren't we too, expected to keep in line with the courage of Esther, the perseverance of Anna, the trustworthiness of Mary, the loyalty of Ruth and the faithfulness of Sarah? Would a man like David be attracted to one who did not demonstrate these character qualities?

For the sake of our marriages that are divinely ordained to be godly examples around the world of Christ loving the church and our personal example to our children and families, I thought this was a great point to remember when seeking the "special" someone. It helped me to really determine who is (or who will be) and who is not the best choice for me. It also helped me to understand that if that man who loves Jesus more than I do doesn't come along, perhaps it would be better for us to do without someone than live in a marriage that would not be God-honoring. Sometimes, I feel like this last part is said through gritted teeth, but am trusting that God will provide or allow me to say that with peace, believing that He has the very best for me in mind whether that aligns with my plans or not.