Beware of Friends Wearing Slingshots

...Ok, so I am eating lunch with my good friend, Leah. Let me branch into how much this girl ROCKS! Love her! She is new to Vandy and such a breath of fresh air up there. We have decided that we need to be going to the main hospital cafeteria for lunch. The Starbucks, the Pesto Minestrone soup, the doctors and the time away from the clinic. What is not to love?! So we took a jaunt down to the courtyard cafe... Herein lies today's funny story...

So, here we are, hair brushed (perhaps stylishly mussed), nails polished, debit card in hand walking at a good little clip to be sure. We have a rule up at Vandy... no open toe shoes.

Yeah. That stinks, especially in the spring and summer with cute sandals. However, this is NOT the worst rule we have.

We MUST wear stockings or socks or the ugly little footies that "try" to hide under the leather of your shoe but let's be real. They are not foolin anybody. You can see those ugly footies eight people away and they are not pretty. IF you cannot tell about my opinion about this rule, let's spell it out...

T-o-t-a-l-l-y stupid rule! (Yeah, I said Stupid ... and I think it IS a stupid rule.)

Anyway, Leah and I are walking around, finding our food, rubbing elbows with lumbering eligible long lab coats and looking for a table. Long story short, Leah found a table as I was paying and I walked over to the table she picked across the way. As I walked over there, my little stupid footie slipped off the bottom of my heel in my shoe for the 847th time that day. SO ANNOYING! I sat down and unloaded my tray. We were chatting and trying to present our best angles in catch the best lighting, you understand. IN a flash of brilliance, I decided I would just casually reach down and fix the little booger in my shoe and try to be as inconspicuous about because really... who honestly wants to see that?

I reached down to pull the footie down over my heel and my shoe slips off...

... AND I SHOT THE UGLY, STUPID, LITTLE STINKY FOOTIE ACROSS THE MAIN HOSPITAL CAFETERIA!!!

OH YES, I DID!!!

It landed in the hot doctor's soup at the table beside us.

NO IT DIDN'T!!!!!

What kind of moron do you think I am? I have other ways of getting physician attention. I am not going to make him puke by shooting my sock in his lunch! Good grief! I have some couth!!

I became aware in this situation just what kind of friend I am. Seriously. This is what I thought...

Thought #1: "GOOD GRAVY TRAIN, I JUST SHOT THAT STUPID FOOTIE ACROSS THE DANG BLASTED CAFETERIA WITH ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL LAB COATS ALL AROUND!"

Thought #2: Fake it. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! Admit NOTHING! That is somebody else's stupid footie. Quick, find your happy place. HAPPY PLACE. HAPPY PLACE. HAPPY PLACE.

Thought #3: Where in the cocoa puffs did it go? DON'T MAKE A SCENE, CHRISTI! Probably not too far away, I bet I can reach out with my foot (which is bare by the way, now) and pick it up like Jennifer Little used to do back in middle school with those amazing long toes.

Stinky footie spotted... walking distance away. OH yeah.

Here is where I feel ashamed, sorta...

Thought #4: It is kind of by Leah. Closer to Leah than to me. Maybe I could... NO! You can't! OR could you? Maybe I can leave it there and somebody will think it is hers and they won't notice my OTHER ugly stupid little footie hanging out from under my other shoe. Oh yeah. That's my play. (Enter GUILT, GUILT, GUILT...)

Holy Spirit's thought #1: Classy move, Hot stuff. IF you are going to shaft your friend, at least do it when you have used odor eaters. What you are doing is just WRONG! You are a skanky new friend." (I am a little fuzzy on the last phrase the Holy Spirit used. I cannot be sure if He said "skanky" or "stanky" friend. I actually have never heard either phrase used before by the Holy Spirit but let's face it.... that was poor performance in friendship 101.

Thought #5: Well Crap. I am going to have to go pick up that totally useless footie off the floor. So, then what? After it is in my hand, then what? Put it back on so we can have a repeat performance in 12.7 seconds? Dude, if it happens again, I am TOTALLY blaming Leah!!! Just go get the stupid sock.

I slipped on my shoe without the footie and walked over and picked it up off the floor and walked briskly back over to my table where Leah was transfixed on my face which by now had taken on SO many expressions including: annoyance, horror, fear, guilt, conviction, defeat and finally, the inhalation of humble pie. She, oh sweet friend, full of innocence and blissfully unaware...

Here is a question for you: What do you do with the sock now that you have picked it up and brought it back to the table with you? Put it back on the footie-less foot? Put it in your purse? Try again and aim higher so as to show your sense of humor to the only Dr who didn't see it the first time since the rest are snubbing their nose at you? What do you do?

You want to know what I did?

I sat on it.

Right under the left cheek. Just couldn't handle the whole situation so I just sat on it. I don't know what that solved, but it made me feel better and I just wanted it to go away. It became funny shortly after that and I eventually put the stupid footie back on.

It was truly a character building moment. Glad you could enjoy it with me.

Sorry Leah.