The Best Equation: Faith + Hope = Trust

Faith arises from the personal experience of Jesus as Lord

Hope is reliance on the promise of Jesus,

accompanied by the expectation of fulfillment.

Trust is the winsome wedding

of Faith and Hope.

-From Brennan Manning's RUTHLESS TRUST: The Ragamuffin's Path to God

Timely Perks of Singleness

To continue the theme of singleness, let's cover a few more things that could be a productive use of your time while you are single.  As a single person myself, I have had this argument with quite a few married people and I think to a degree it stands strong; however, there are some caveats that I am willing to concede to a married person which have been pointed out rather strongly to me, the single person "with nothing else to do than take care of yourself"....

Yes.  That was actually said to me and I'm willing to bet that you, if you are single, you have heard that as well.  Comments?

I have been told that a married person with children does not have the time that a single person has.  It is on this premise that I beg to differ.  We all have the same amount of time... we just choose to spend it differently due to priorities.  I know I am probably only representing the single person's side but in my defense, I am not married nor have I been so I am only talking about what I know first hand.  I have thought about how life would be different for me if I were married and so I can integrate that perspective as well though thinking about a scenario and actually living a scenario is quite different.  Let's just say that there are perks about being married such as having another adult around to help with chores, someone to help provide financially, help with homework, do the household errands, even stuff as silly as fastening bracelets and zipping dresses.  The perks about being single include, not picking up someone else's dirty clothes :), not having to provide financially for anyone else but myself, arranging my schedule around what works for me rather than someone else, generally using my time in the way that I deem important rather than how my husband or children deem important.

There are perks to both sides and cons to both sides... If they are both gifts from God, then there will not be one that is far and away better than the other, though it might appear that way based on where we are standing. 

Anyway, the crux of this entry will be about T-I-M-E - amounts, management, wasters and priorities.

First,  every person has the same amount of hours in a day.  Every one - married or single.  Your marital state does not whether or not you have more or less time than anybody else.  It all comes down to management.  How do you manage your own 1440 minutes per day?

Management of these precious minutes can be one of the greatest obstacles to the growth of the Kingdom of God.  It can also devastate your own personal productiveness in life.  There are a portion of those minutes that will and should be spent sleeping (7-8ish hrs), eating (2-3ish hours), and getting ready for events of the day/evening (1-2ish hrs).  These are things that everyone does (should do) everyday.  Taking the high end of time towards those activities, it still leaves 13 hours of remaining time to manage out.  If you don't manage your time, someone else will manage your time for you.  For example, I remember in college having a difficult conversation with my parents because I had not done well on a pretty big test.  My reason was because I had sat up listening to two different friends having very "traumatic" events... I believe one girl was distraught because a guy didn't call her back and another girl was failing a class.  I remember feeling very sympathetic at the time for their plights and yet, none of this was reciprocated the day I got my failing test grade back because they had to go get ice cream and because the other one had a date (ironically with the other girl's guy... we now know why he didn't call her back.)
Bottom line... they were managing their time in the way that they wanted to... and they managed MY time in the way they wanted to... I, on the other hand, did not manage my time, did not do well on my test because I listened to them instead of studying and then did not have the sympathetic ear in return.  Tough lesson to learn but one desperately needed.

I still struggle with that at times.  I can get overwhelmed and feel like I am just spinning my wheels not accomplishing anything.  However, I have tried to implement strategies that work for me... daytimer, calendar, setting time limits, measureable goals/objectives, PLANNING... Is it easy?  For me, absolutely not.  I am not wired that way.  It is a discipline to do that every day but if I want to make my life count for something, management of time is crucial for success and fatal of not implemented.

Here is a link for further information on time management.

Let's talk about time wasters... there are a lot!!!  I'll put some down that are prevalent in the world that I live in - in my own life or those that I love...

Facebook, excessive sports watching events, emails, surfing the internet, TV watching, procrastination, reading innumerable blogs/internet sites, excessive texting that interrupts a mind's train of thought, excessive shopping, mindless unintentional reading, etc...

I'm gonna be honest, I really enjoy doing many of those things I mentioned above.  I do.  I think the question to determine if these things are time wasters are:
1)  What is this doing for my overall productivity of my day?  Is it adding to or distracting from?
2)  If this is a productive activity of my day, is it in excessive amounts?  Too much of a good thing is not always a great thing.  Sometimes it is just too much to fit into a day meant for working and productivity.
3)  Does it negatively impact your other prioritized activities for the day?

This brings us to priorities...

What are your priorities?  When you take an inventory of your activities, do they equal the kind of person that you want to be?  Everyone has different priorities and we aren't required to have the same ones.  What are your priorities?
- To be top salesperson of the firm
- To be in a position of leadership in order to faciliate change
- To make more money or a certain dollar amount
- To be learning a new skill to make you more marketable in this difficult job market
- To be a parent
- To be a good friend
- To be faithful to your personal charities/churches through giving
- To be President of the US
- To be more open about your faith with your colleagues
- To be married

There are hundreds of thousands of priorities and you can choose what you want those to be.  I think that is part of the problem is that many people haven't set priorities and they are going to realize too late that the world has set their priorities for them and they aren't at all where they want to be. 

If you want to be in a position of leadership, what are your practical steps on getting there?  Are you showing up to work on time?  Are you doing the extra steps that set you apart from the crowd?  Are you doing research about what could revolutionize your field and trying to align your skill set and giftings in the convergent path as much as possible?  

If you want to be married, what are your practical steps in getting there?  Are you where you want to be emotionally when you Mr. or Mrs. Perfect-For-You shows up?  Physically?  Spiritually?  Do you have mounds of debt that will assuredly impact your spouse?  Do you take care of yourself?  Do you have unrealistically high expectations for your soon to be spouse to meet ... and then expect that they accept you "as you are"...  Is that the equivalent to saying "I am looking for the crown jewels for which I will trade you a broken gumball machine necklace"?  We are not perfect and have definite flaws, but we have a responsibility to do the best with the strengths and weaknesses that we have been given.  Work hard to stretch yourself.  Think out of the box.  Do something for someone else.  Quit focusing on what you don't have and focus on all the positives that you do.  You become more attractive and more like the person that Mr. or Mrs. Perfect-For-You is looking for in the first place.

I guess this post is an encouragement to take an inventory of your life and how you spend your time.  Does worrying about tomorrow add a single minute to your day?  I think we all know the answer.  Does your daily use of 1440 minutes each day reflect the microcasm of character you want to exude?  Prioritize.  Get the big stones in the jar before adding some much sand that the big chunks won't fit.  When the big things are taken care of, the littler things are much easier to fill in.  What are your big things?  If I looked at your minute by minute time schedule, would I think that you are the developer of Facebook?  Would I question your commitment to Christ and easily believe your commitment to the Kardashians?  Would I think you talk like Billy Graham but act more like Alexander Graham Bell with your love of the phone?

Same amount of time in everyone's day... how are you spending yours?

The Best Blessings In Being Single

I know in the last post, I presented a side of singleness that is more spiritually focused, mentally disciplining, and just plain hard to do sometimes.  I wanted to follow up with more practically positive things about being in an single state, possibly extended beyond what you've imagined should be "fair".  Primarily for my own mental peace and as an act of disciplining my mind to focus on whatever is pure, lovely and true, I have a running list of "blessings from God in my singlehood" for a woman (or male) to ponder while living life in an unmarried state.  These may or may not appeal to you, so feel free to chime in with your own list of blessings.

1)  My time is my own to choose to do what I want to do with it
2)  I don't have to watch the hunting channel ever, if I don't want to.
3)  I don't have to share the Wii.
4)  I always get to spend every holiday season with my family without having to spend it with in-laws.
5)  I get to pick my own radio station and leave it there for as long as I want and listen to it as loud or soft as I want to.

I want to put a little caveat here... I have been told before by a married man who, honestly, has shown himself to be fairly foolish with his time and his relationships that he, in a way, envied a single person because it gave license to be totally selfish and focus on doing whatever YOU want to do.    

Let's be clear... being single does not give you license to be selfish anymore than having a pool justifies you drowning someone in it.  (How 'bout THAT analogy?)  Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.  Period.

6)  Spend time with friends without having to pass it by anybody else
7)  I love having more time to read and study uninterrupted by the pitter patter of little feet... or the shuffling of dusty, adult-sized Redwings across my newly mopped tile floor. :)
8)  I can make dinner consisting of what I like to eat... which might be a bowl of cereal or an apple.  Only. Or, a three course meal with friends!
9)  I think being single allows me more time to dream dreams for what I believe the Lord has for my life.
10)  I get to pray and praise outloud anytime, even if it is 2:27 AM on a week day and not worry about disturbing anyone.
11)  I get to spend more time doing ministry with and towards other families because I am not, at this time, having to take care of my own family.
12)  Singleness provides more time for preparation for the season of life that might include a spouse and possibly children.  This preparation time might include taking cooking classes, learning more about health and wellness, learning to garden or basic mending, learning and maintaining financial responsibility, picking up a new craft for bringing in household revenue later on, or spending time investing in other married couples and learning what are some big hurdles that married people go through no matter your race, culture, society, or age.
13)  Usually there is a lot of silence or quiet time where I can spend just thinking, which after talking to many married women with children, it seems like thinking without interruption is a luxury.  :)
14)  Travelling at any time, planned or unplanned, alone or with friends or family.
15) I think that periods of singleness do include times of loneliness.  However, I have had married woman after married woman tell me that loneliness is NOT specific to singles.  It is the white elephant in the living room of many married people's homes... and can actually be the cause of people leaving marriage to become single once again because their needs are not being fulfilled in the way they would like.  I choose to look at these moments, periods of loneliness, as building up my character.  A lot of times, loneliness provides an emotional impetus for me to seek out Christ more urgently, more frequently and find Him in the tightest of places and in the vast expanse of life.  It is in those moments of finding Him when no other person is around, I am changed for the better.

One of the greatest blessings the Lord has provided for me in prolonged singleness is the fact that, if and when the Lord provides a godly mate for me to do life with, I will be so grateful for our time and my season of waiting will enhance the time eventually spent together. 

"Wait on the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord."  Psalm 27:14   

Waiting is not bad.  Unfortunately, we are culturized enough, Christians included, that we believe that waiting for any length of time at all is a punishment of sorts and immediacy is our entitlement.  This is simply not truth.  God has plenty to say to us while we are "in the waiting".  Maybe we should take this time to listen... really hear what He is saying when you're by yourself, uninterrupted, quiet.  Appreciate the silence and intimate time with Christ and realize, more than likely, there will be a time somewhere down the path you are travelling where mere seconds of uninterrupted time will seem like a Godsend.  What is He trying to tell you as a single person?  What lessons are being taught in the quiet moments of your day in possible preparation for marriage?  Can God trust you to be thankful in times that don't look exactly like you'd envisioned or prefer?  Take an inventory of your thoughts and actions and conversations... what percentage is spent on complaining over the state of your life or the lack of your preferred provision?

My mom has said this for years that in a lot of cases, NOT ALL, but a lot of cases, a depressed or unhappy person is one who is entirely too self-focused and spends time wallowing in his problems rather than helping others through theirs.  I think in many cases, this is the truth.  If we would focus on others and do what we can to serve them, our own "plight" really comes becomes the tool Christ uses to minister to others.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."  Proverbs 3:5-6

Until whenever, enjoy your singleness... use your time wisely... serve others graciously... give of yourself generously... love selflessly ... and above all, trust Christ ruthlessly.  In these things, you will become a woman who pleases the Lord and the benefactor of God's very best gifts... perhaps in a tall, dark and handsome package.  :) 

Being the Best at Being Single

I know a lot of single women and I'm gonna be honest about it... there are a lot of them that are NOT happy about being single.  I am one of them sometimes.  I think we deal with "marriage MUST be better than this" thought process when you are trying to bring all the groceries up three flights of stairs after working all day to come in a find that your pooch has relieved herself on the newly cleaned carpet.  Some days, it is the "it would be so nice to always have someone to go to my office party with".  Other days, it is "honestly, I just wish I had my own personal snuggie - and we ain't talkin' about that lame blanket"!  I think we as women, probably all at one time or another suffer from "the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence" syndrome on some days.  I don't know... I am not married so I would love to hear feedback from the married readers. 

My most courageous and sober thoughts about being single help me realize that being married is not the answer to all of life's ills or problems nor does married life always consist of chocolate, flowers and back rubs for most people at all times.  In fact, at times, it compounds life's ills and problems and though flowers make an occassional appearance, so do double amount of dirty dishes, unfolded clothes, and a few too many in-laws.  :)  I am not bad mouthing marriage at all and I sincerely believe that God has us in godly marriages for sanctification and to be an example of Christ and His bride, the church.  That is kind of a weird concept on some level but such a beautiful picture when you allow your mind to envision what that looks like.  Such love and such compassion.  The lucky thing about this love and compassion is that it is available to single women in the person of Christ.  He loves us enough to give us this time of sanctification for ourselves without someone else hindering our sanctification process.  It takes a lot to get to the point where this is really what we long for, I know.  However, when it is revealed that another human, man or woman, is not the solution to your time management issues, your financial concerns, your problems with your family and your sin issues, it helps bring the right perspective to the situation. 

So, how do we embrace our singleness and enjoy this time the Lord has given us to spend with Him uninterrupted and unabridged?  How do we keep our minds and hearts engaged in the thought that minds and hearts singly engaged with Christ is just as much a gift as a godly marriage is?  How do we not fritter this precious time away waiting for the next season that may (or may not) look exactly how we want it to look?  Ladies (and gents), the solution here is contentment and focus.  And YES, it is VERY hard!!  I know it is.  I am there now and have been here for some time.  It is an act of discipline to focus on what Christ wants us to focus on and not what the world/society throws at us through a myriad of images, promotions, available goods, etc.  A few verses to help us through this...

"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,"   2 Corinthians 10:5

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and haracter produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."  Romans 5:3-5

"...Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that..."  1 Corinthians 7:28b

"And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.  But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to 'please' her husband...(my personal paraphrase:  pick up his socks on every day ending in "y", visit his mother every weekend, clean up buttery popcorn stains and vacuum up salty pretzel crumbs off the newly reupholstered couch after THE game... from him and his eight buddies... among other things that are not delineated in Scripture and usually not found out until after "I do". )   1 Corinthians 7: 34

Just a few Scriptures that can encourage us to continue to walk in faithfulness and see where this journey takes us.  It is not easy - you will never hear me say that walking the path of singleness is easy.  It is definitely hard.  It is just not too hard for you if you are currently single.  If you were to be married at this time, you would be.  If you are not, don't waste your life.  Do something constructive while you are waiting on "The One".  You really don't know how long you have left.  Don't sit around and wait for Mr. Perfect - he is not out there.  There is only a potentially Mr.-Perfect-for-you and right now, choose to serve others while being actively seeking.  Engage in hospitality of your single friends, invest in godly marriages by volunteering to babysit for their children so they have a night together uninterrupted. Go visit the elderly for a few hours on the weekends.  Go on a youth-led  mission trip.  Live life as it is supposed to be lived and maybe, just maybe, there might be someone who comes along beside you pursuing the things of the Lord that He has placed in your path.

Trust Him to do with your life the very best thing possible.  Timing is everything.  Don't ever think He has forgotten you.  You are His prize creation.  Deny yourself and follow Him with everything you have and the rest... is already taken care of.    

Things To Be Thankful For (Pt.5)

• So thankful for the ability to reach for your dreams
• So thankful that I have to wait for things I want because it sharpens my character
• So thankful that I have seen God do miraculous things that have directly impacted my life
• So thankful that I am single right now in that I can pursue this life long dream of ministering full time through speaking and singing to women, sharing with them the joy of being a child of His.
• So thankful that the Lord allows us to come before Him with petitions and longings that He keeps on the forefront of His mind and always answers us and provides exactly what we need when we need it. (I can think of a few of these longings right now.... Still waiting and am determined to hear what He says while I'm waiting...)

What are some things you are thankful for?

SinGLE - Party of One - SinGLE

Want to pitch out some articles or series of written entries that I have read about singleness, courtship, relationships in general. These primarily came from my blogging "friends" that I visit and read on regularly and wanted to share with my single readers. These are not only for SINGLE ladies and they are not only for single LADIES. They will impact the lives of those that read them no matter what your relationship status is. Let me say this, if you yourself are not single, there is a really good chance that someone you love (like your aunt or your daughter) is or will be sometime in their lifetime. These are really thoughtful and wise writers who have a strong spiritual heritage and recommendations to back up their reputations.

Check them out!!!

1) Carolyn McCulley's blog: Radical Womanhood -
Great article on the cultural romance "flu". It can change how you feel about love and courtship.
http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts/2009/06/youve-got-lies-chick-flicks-and-the-worlds-approach-to-men-and-marriage-.html

2) Carolyn Mahaney and her three grown daughters blog: Girl Talk -
Section of entries on what to do while your preparing for marriage and how not to waste your single years....Let's use the time positively we have while we still have it...
http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/category/courtship/

3) Nancy Leigh DeMoss blog- Reviving Our Hearts -
I LOVE her! She is herself a single women who just turned 50 and is so wise, discerning and solidly biblical when it comes to theology. Her article actually pertains to women who are married to "unbelievers" or a husband living as an "unbeliever".
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/uploads/ABCsSpiritualSingle.pdf

4) Lydia Brownback blog- The Purple Cellar -
Collection of short entries about facets of single life. I really enjoy reading everything on her blog.
http://purplecellar.blogspot.com/search/label/singleness

5) Titus2Talk
Great blog where they post lots of great pieces from around the web. They reference some very solid articles. This is their section on singles.
http://titus2talk.blogspot.com/search/label/Singles

I don't do that very often but thought I would show you around to the places that I visit from time to time and I haven't particularly talked to my single friends in a while.

So, blog out, venture away.... but be sure and come back.