A Pressing Fear...

The more I read, I feel more convicted that I have feasted on spiritually good upbringing, good heredity and milk toast theology. The problem is that I question if this has been enough for me. Have I rested on my laurels being the "good girl" and never delved into when I stand before Him and my actions, thoughts, desires, evidence of belief, are on display what He will say to me and about me? Have I tried to strike a bargain with God, promising to keep a bunch of rules? I fear I'm a spiritual slug.

As I am reading C.S. Lewis "MERE CHRISTIANITY", I have been profoundly impacted by the truths that are so often glossed over. A few thoughts that I have run across:

Final Curtain Call:

"Some of us who seem quite nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and a good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as fiends. That is why Christians are told not to judge. We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on raw material at all, but on what he has done with it. ..... All sorts of nice things which we thought our own, but which were really due to good digestion, will fall off some of use; all sorts of nasty things which were due to complexes or bad health will fall off others. We shall then, for the first time, see everyone as he really was. There will be surprises."

PRIDE

"According to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind... it is Pride which has been the chief cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began...For Pride is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense....The first step is to realise that one is proud.... At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. It you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed."

One more...

ONE BODY, MANY PARTS: Satan's Skew

"Things which are parts of a single organism may be very different from one another: things which are not, may be very alike. Six pennies are quite separate and very alike: my nose and my lungs are very different but they are only alive at all because they are parts of my body and share a common life.... If you forget that (someone) belongs to the same organism as yourself you will become an Individualist. If you forget that he is a different organ from you, you will want to suppress differences and make people all alike, you will become a Totalitarian. A Christian must not be either..."

"(We have a tendency to point out to each other) - which of these errors is the worse. That is the devil getting at us. He always sends errors into the world in pairs - pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is worse. You see why, of course? He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled."

I am so glad that I have taken the time to read this book as I see it becoming a foundational book from which to draw deeper into the knowledge and love of Christ. I highly recommend it if you have not read it. I have almost the whole book underlined and highlighted. :)

You might find that you, too, could be a spiritual slug, moving about so slowly in your spiritual growth and depending on your good upbringing and good "heredity" that we do not work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. We take on everyone else's faith and don't ever go beyond what is specifically fed to us by a trusted pastor, a parent, a good friend who attends church or mate that reads the Sunday School lesson before church.

This should not be.

There will be surprises. Of this, I am sure.

Oh Lord, please come quickly.

It Is a Blessing....

It is a blessing to have a job

that pays a regular check each and every month.

It is a blessing to have good health

and ability to be active.

It is a blessing to have good friends from 1981

all the way to my newest friend

made a few weeks ago.

It is a blessing to have a healthy family

where no one suffers from life ending illnesses

and/or physical diseases.

It is a blessing to have clothes

and enough to not wear the same shirt everyday.

It is a blessing to have a place to stay

with my own room and closet and study area

and place to be by myself.

It is a blessing to have a God centered church

with exceptional preaching and scripturally based worship.

It is a blessing to have parents

that are still married after 39 years.

It is a blessing to have an outlet where I can write

and hopefully encourage, vent, inspire and teach

and make some laugh a little.

It is a blessing to have opportunity to minister to others in music.

It is a blessing to live in a free country

where millions of other people would like to live.

It is a blessing to have financial resources

to pay my bills and much of my entertainment desires.

It is a blessing to have options.

It is the biggest blessing to have a relationship with the

Creator, Healer, Savior, Redeemer,

Teacher, Sovereign, Almighty God

who can take anything we give to Him,

good or bad,

and use it

to make us holy.

__________________________________________________

This is me talking myself out of complaining on here.

Really, when you have so much to be thankful for,

why complain about anything?

Service with a Smile

On this Memorial Day, I want to say THANK YOU to all the military members, past and present, who have served this country without a hint of selfishness, sacrificing the comforts and conveniences of home. They go when told to go, they do when told to do, and they serve when told to serve. They eat meals that have been vacuum packed. They miss school plays and piano recitals. They sleep on dirty palettes. They live under constant scrutiny and authority and thrive there. Their instincts are first to protect and secure. They are fighting a war minute by minute that many of us don't think about on even a daily or sometimes weekly basis. They miss out on the love of their wife and the hugs of their children and the support of their parents/siblings.

To these people serving me and my country, appreciation and gratitude is not enough. It is hard to put a value on freedom but it is calculated by years of service and the actual lives sacrificed by those stepping up to the plate year after year. To those that have served and are serving, we all applaud you and pray for you and appreciate your sacrifice for the individual and corporate good of our amazing and free United States.

Thank you to:
Mr Henry Harper Sr. (and my awesome Pappaw),
Mr. Lloyd Fredregill (my awesome Grandpa)
Mr. Wayne Rogers,
Mr. Bill Patterson,
Mr. Patrick Sieber,
Mr. Charles Wingo, and
Mr. Dale Ausborn

...just to name a few of those whose service has had an impact on me or someone I am close to directly. I appreciate the willingness to sacrifice those things mentioned and unmentioned for someone else other than yourself. We are forever grateful!

Is there anyone else who you want to thank publicy on Memorial Day 2009? Comment away...

The Name - MASTER

Is Jesus only our Savior or is He our true Master?

One saying that has gained a lot of popularity in societal circles has been "It is better to ask forgiveness than permission." I feel certain that I have said it myself. Unfortunately, it almost always stems from a heart that puts our wants, needs, choices as our Master rather than Christ. After putting our preferences in that "Master" position, we expect and depend on Christ as Savior to save us from our poor choices. This is not Christ's best for us.

I do not want to take ANYTHING away from the saving grace of Jesus's death and resurrection and those that know my heart, know this about me. Absolutely we are nothing without the blood of Jesus shed to glorify His Father and for the salvation of the children of God. However, just because we are forgiven does not give us the right and or opportunity to live in ways that are not submissive to our Master. It says in I Samuel 15:22-23 --

"Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,

as in obeying the voice of the Lord?

Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,

and to listen than the fat of rams."

John MacArthur states in his commentary (which is EXCELLENT, by the way)...

"This is the essential OT truth. Samuel stated that God desires heart obedience over ritual sacrifice... (Sacrifice) was never intended to function in place of living an obedient life..."

Being obedient to the Master rather than depending on the Savior when you choose to ignore the Master is commanded. Are we going to fail and need the Savior? Of course. But, should we placate our desires at the expense of submission to the Master?

Never.

The Name - King

I have had "a day" today. "A day" in which I felt that I really needed to get off the train that is looping round and round the earth at break neck speed because I am starting to feel nauseated.

I need a breather.

I need a little bit of time alone.

The circus monkey needs a nap and probably a banana.

Dipped in chocolate no less.

Are you getting me?

Today, I started off weepy and ended weepy and had a few weepies in the middle as well. I was set off by a kind comment this morning, by the lack of a kind comment at lunch, by the frustration of being unable to say "no" at times, and again at the end of the afternoon while recapping the crying with a friend at dinner.

I also had a kid spit in my coffee this morning which didn't help the matter.

I want someone to be in charge of my life and so I can just rest and quit worrying. I need someone stronger than me, smarter than me, more patient than me, more powerful than me, calmer than me and more loving than me to take charge here. I think maybe that is what a King does. That is what Christ the King does.

I need Christ to be King of my life and not the page boy. I need to be Esther coming boldly before the King pleading for the people in my life. I need to feel the security of royal body guards the King provides. I need to know the wisdom of the King. I need to nestle up in the King's robes and sit with Him at His feet and put my head on His knee.

And He is waiting even still today for me to do just that.

He is waiting for you, too.

I'd Say It's KRIS...

(KRIS)-tal clear who America wanted for the American Idol of 2009!

There is a chance that I reacted strongly to the announcement... I'm just sayin'...it COULD have happened....

The Name - Living Water

"Living Water

Bread of Life

Come and quench this thirst within me

Fill the hunger deep inside

For so long, I have been empty

Nothing else can satisfy....

Living Water, Bread of Life"

Lyrics from "Living Water, Bread of Life"

Performed by 4Him

Just like the woman at the well, you can drink the water from every faucet, every well, every plastic FUJI bottle, every eco-friendly water thermos. It will never satisfy you like drinking from Living Water. That is hard to explain to someone who doesn't know what Living Water is and/or has no idea that it is available. This is where faith comes in. We put our faith in lots of things:

The chair that we sit in - we have faith it will hold us up.

Our primary care physician - we trust that he will diagnose us correctly and utilize every procedure/medication necessary to heal our sick bodies.

Our President - we trust that he will fight for our causes, that he will look out for the greater good over the individual, that he will keep our country safe

Our friends - we trust that they will be there for us, they will include us, they will continue the friendship

Our family - we trust that they are there through good and bad, that they will love us enough to get through the hard times, that they will support us when we're down, love us enough to tell us the truth, and celebrate with us when we are flying high.

BUT... all of these things, A-L-L of these things will let us down at one time or another.

Chairs break,

Presidents fail,

Families split...

Faith in these "certain" things WILL let you down. The only thing that won't let you down is Jesus Christ. He calls our faith into being and asks us to trust Him and Him alone. Faith is the cup that allows us to taste the "Living Water". It is the only thing that allows us to see how the Living Water is personally and ultimately satisfying. Without faith, water is just water. It helps our bodies to keep working, it tastes good with a crystal light package of peach tea in it, it will tide you over until you need another drink of water. It will never allow you to know ultimate satisfaction as God intended on a permanent basis.

Have you ever had situations/events that seemed "fine" until a positive change occurred and in hind sight, you realized that you were not "fine". It was much worse than you had actually believed? This is what "satisfaction" can be like.

You think you are satisfied with your life:

your job,

your mate,

your children,

your singleness,

your wardrobe,

your family,

your status,

your friends,

your home

....until you get to know Jesus and you realize that you had no idea about satisfaction. The cavern being filled to satisfaction was deeper than you thought. It was wider than you thought. It was emptier than you thought. Just because you didn't know you were unsatisfied doesn't mean you were actually satisfied. It means you can't even grasp what satisfaction looks like or feels like until you have tasted the Living Water and truly KNOWN satisfaction the way God provides satisfaction.

Christ is offering Living Water for any and all who are called and choose to believe that this world, this season, this country, this society, this job, this life is NOT all there is. There is more, much, much more available to those who believe. It is a fountain overflowing with blessings unconceived of by you and only dreamed of by God.

Come! Come drink from the fount of Living Water to see the change within from what only Christ can provide you. It is the most amazing sense of liberation, sense of productivity, and sense of purpose that can never be matched by anyone or anything.

Guaranteed!

The Name - Abba Father

Whenever I think about God as Abba Father, the image that it conjures up in my mind is the tallest body, the strongest build, the mightiest intellect, the most charismatic personality, the choleric leader and the ultimate decision maker, crouching down to become eye to eye with his little girl when she asks him to come to her tea party in the middle of the most important task the world can offer.

To me, "Abba" softens "Father" a bit. It makes me think that He is more concerned about what I am concerned about which is not always world politics and the economic state of Belarus. I am concerned that I lost my phone or that I am running late. I am concerned that my sheets need to be changed or my dog needs to be walked. "Abba" seems to embrace the little things, the innocence of things, the childish things that seem to trip us up daily. "Father" follows it up by having the power and strength and decisiveness and determination to take action on my behalf. He is effectual and affectionate. He is firm and affirming. He is carrying my burdens while He is carrying me.

Not a theologian's post... just simple thoughts from Abba's daughter.

Any thoughts from the other kids? What does Abba Father mean to you? How does this name manifest itself in your life and change you to become more like Him? Does it?

Name That Tune!

Woo-hoo!!! There's been a change in blog world for Christi! YES!!! We have added music and what a CHANGE that makes. I love it but I wish I could see your faces when each of you hear the songs that randomly appear in sequence. So funny! Anyway, one of my chico readers has requested a copy of "The Name" by Anadara so I thought that I would add a playlist of music which I incidentally have been working on since Sept. 2008 - seriously. As I told him, unfortunately, I cannot find a copy of that song to be put in sequence on my playlist. I found it on iTunes and scrounged up a buck o' two in the couch cushions to download it. I don't know if that helps you guys or not but in my opinion, I think it is worth the .99 cents. Just my opinion.



So, let's yammer on the tunes... so excited about this! Excited to find some oldies but goodies and some there were some disappointments as well, of course. We're not in heaven so there will never be perfect playlist except on God's ipod. Anyway, I have added around 70ish tunes to the playlist and look forward to adding more but honestly, I feel like I have overdone it. I mean how long are you people hanging out on the blog for goodness sake? BUT..... there are some goodies on there.



I did try to have a reason for putting songs on the play list besides just "I like this!". I left some of my faves off because the lyrics were not the most uplifting (I love some of those melodies though) and there are some on here that are probably NOT my favorite but clearly typify some element of my life. There are several TV theme songs on there that I saw flashes of people at work. There are country songs that make me think about particular people. There are Christian songs that have ministered to me in profound ways. All in all, a good list of songs that can all speak about something in my life.



The fun part might be trying to figure out how things go together and why I would put certain songs on there. I leave that with you. Ask questions... post comments... report memories... make sure everything is clean...



I'll leave you with some...



1) "To Make You Feel My Love" - by KRIS ALLEN!!! -- I think this has already been covered as to why this song might be on here but just in case it wasn't clear.... I like him. I like him and I like this song and so I put it on here.


2) "Diff'rent Strokes" Theme - well, CLEARLY one of my favorite shows and why wouldn't it be? Loved a little Mrs. Garrett and Mr Drummond, Kimberly, Willis and Arnold. Things didn't turn out so well for the kiddos in real life but I hear Mrs. Garrett is still kickin' and earning wages. Good for her, I say. Plus my sister just adopted two kids from Ethiopia... so it is kind of like our family... kind of...



3) "Single Ladies" - speaks for itself... nobody's put a ring on it... perhaps it is because I do not own any Derion jeans. Lame... but I like the beat.



4) "Everyday America" - Talks about going to state and bringing home trophies in high school and that musters up good memories of going to semi finals in football our junior year. How can you not tap your foot to this?

5) "How Could I Ask for More" - a great all time favorite of mine and my sister-in-law recorded it several years ago. It is in the top 25 songs played out of 3500 on my Itunes library. Very fitting of my life.



There will be more follow up discussion on this. Until then, my goal is to blog every day on the name of the day. Tomorrow, I will blog on God being our Abba Father.

Blessings and Be Bops!

THE Name

I have run across this singer songwriter, Anadara (pronounced Anna-dare-uh), who signed with SpringHill Records in 2005 and has recorded this great song. She wrote it with Joe Beck and Billy Sprague and I just love it. It has such a simple melody and yet won the best Scripture Song in 2005 by the Worship Leader Magazine Praise Awards. One reason why I like it is because it is simply a list of names of Almighty God. I want to share the lyrics below just so you can think see who He is line by line. I believe in praying the names of God and I want to issue a challenge.

For the next 30 days, why don't we all take the following names of God and pray these to Him and about Him and for Him. Beyond bringing glory to Him which is what we are ultimately called to do, I am convinced it WILL change YOUR life. It will powerfully impact your life in ways that reality TV can't even come close to... encourage you in ways your spouse can't fathom.... fulfill you in ways your job never will... show you love of a God who created you for you to love in return. I urge you to try it and see if doesn't change you... even if you try it to prove me wrong... try it. Make it a point each day to spend even just 2-3 minutes focused in prayer to God and call Him by his name of the day. I think that more is better because there is so much more to Him than 2-3 minutes but if you're just starting out... take just a few and spend it with...

1.) ABBA FATHER

2) LIVING WATER

3) SHEPHERD

4) SERVANT AND

5) KING

6) MASTER

7) TEACHER

8) LORD AND

9) KEEPER

10) COUNSELOR

11) PRINCE OF PEACE

12) ALMIGHTY

13) CREATOR

14) EMMANUEL

15) SAVIOR

16) ADONAI AND

17) THE ROCK

18) HOSANNA

19) MESSIAH

20 YAHWEH

21) JEHOVAH

22) ALPHA

23) OMEGA

24) GOD

25) FRIEND AND

26) HEALER

27) CHRIST

28) REDEEMER

29) GREAT IS THY GLORIOUS NAME

30) JESUS

THE Name !!

I am going to really want to hear from those who take on the challenge. I think it is so important for us to encourage each other in the faith. Walking around down here is HARD... Where are my Amen-ers? Let's hear it, chicas and the two chicos that read here.

Watch out!!!! I am now mobile and updating the blog from the road now. (j/k... I never text, blog, use the phone in any capacity on the road. Hands always at 10 & 2!)

Again, I Heart Kris Allen ...

...But I hope he does not win.

There. I said it. I do not want Kris Allen to win although I really, really like him. I think he is a better singer, has a better demeanor, is humble and I SO enjoy the untechnically sound jaw jut. Love the jaw jut! He appears to come from good stock as well judging from tonight's show. Mainly, I like him because he does not make me look at his tongue when he channels Gene Simmons like somebody else we all know. There is really no need for that.

I do not want him to have to sign with 19 records and lose the money he would make otherwise. Let's let the scary Adam be saddled with 19 and let's get Kris signed somewhere else with a better contract. They are going to strangle him with all sorts of caveats and the like and I want him to be able to do what he wants. The only reason I want him to win is for the complete and total upset over scary Adam. He is really scary to me. I am overreacting here? I think not.

Just to be clear... I really like Kris Allen!

Let's crown the West Coast this time, though.

It's Chilly Here... Better Grab Your (Strait) Jacket

I wish I could state in detail the regularity of ridiculousness of my Tuesday morning appointments. I mean seriously. The fundamental characteristic that must be present in order to get an appt with me is that you must be nuts. I must caveat here.... there are some very good friends who at one time, were perhaps scheduled for an appt with me on a Tuesday morning.



I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU.



I am talking to the people who leave me feeling like I need medication directly following the appt. I do not seek intentional friendship with these people. I try to keep my crazy friends separate from my crazy patients. There is a line and try to walk it carefully. That being said, let's continue on with my crazy life...



Chapter 36 - story #42



Last Tuesday, I was scheduled for an appt with a precious little kiddo. Precious, I say. Well behaved and clean. Cute as a button. I would totally take him to the park. His family... not so much. Characters in this story include precious little **Ethan (**Names have been changed to protect the guilty and myself.), Mama, and Granny Agnes. It is very important to note that Mama and Granny Agnes are related by marriage, there is no blood between them except bad. They are daughter and mother-in-law. Let the fun begin...



Every one transitions nicely to the room. Little Ethan is playing nicely. Granny Agnes needs to lay off the smokes. Mama needs to grow a backbone. This is strictly my initial analysis and they pay me well for it. There is enough going on in this evaluation appt that there is no way to cover the entire cock-a-maminess (I might have just come up with a new word?) so I will hit the high points. These are the TOP TEN actual quotes said...


10. (Christi says "Why are you here today?") "I don't know. Granny Agnes, why don't you tell 'er." - Mama, scared and insecure

9. "He ain't talked right." - loud and proud by Granny Agnes

8. "SHOCKING!!!!" - thought bubble quote by Christi

7. "Well, she don't keep no structure and let's just.... let's just say that.... let's just say that we's different in hows we growed up the kids. I just slap 'em and tell to get their _ _ _ _ together 'cuz I ain't got time for none a that nonsense." - Granny Agnes

6. "Wait, for real? Did you just seriously say that?" - thought bubble quote by Christi



5. "We's just not used to lettin' kids write on the walls with crayons and scribblin on the cabinets with markers. I ain't just not puttin up with that. I finally went out and bought some markers and crayons and colored with 'em on the walls." - crazy ole Granny Agnes

4. "I grew up depressed and a place where we just feel everything and I know I'm sensitive but they're just mean." -venting by Mama and answered by Granny Agnes with this... "Oh, we are not mean. You don't take care of your kid and I don't have the time. Well, YEAH we tell dirty jokes and we cuss at each other and we use some pretty hard language, but _ _ _ _, you've gotta be kiddin me that you're sayin we's mean!?!?"


3. "Well, she let's 'em just sit around and watch TV all day and then she don't get 'em when he plays in the plugs." - Granny Agnes the antagonizer



2. "That ain't true!!!! I grew up in a depressed family and I just don't think there is anything wrong with being nice sometime. And anyway, she takes Ethan's diaper off and tells him to go pi... I mean, pee on grandpa and she thinks its funny!!!" - Mama the indignant


And the number one quote of the appt....

1. "Well, that WAS pretty funny!!!" - Granny Anges, the unpaid comedienne of preschool programs all over the US.

These "ladies" almost came to blows and there were defintely tears present and I'm not talking about the kiddo's tears. I have never seen anything like this at all. Classic and yet so disturbing.

Comprehensive speech language evaluation:

$647

Value of my time wasted on this evaluation

because the child is totally fine:

in the $1000's

Value of honest and stunningly ridiculous material gleaned for my next show:

PRICELESS,

of course!!!

I Heart Kris Allen

That's all I needed to say.

It's a Miracle in the Making

I am praying for a miracle. Just letting you know. I am praying for a miracle. And, if I am being honest, I am praying for several miracles. These are not class A miracles mind you. I am not praying for the dead to be raised or Vanderbilt employees to get a raise. These are just not necessary for me to believe in the one True God Almighty. I'm there already. I am looking for class B miracles - miracles that can be performed through natural acts and events that are guided by the loving hand of God.

I am specifically looking for 7 miracles. I am not going into details but just want you to know and be part of the accountability. I am laying these things at His feet and I am trusting God to accomplish them and I truly believe that He can absolutely provide in ways that we will not understand and never see coming and that is what I am getting prepared for!

There are amazing mercy-filled inexplicable and remarkable acts that convey loving encouragement from God. They offer a foundation for our hope in his second coming. They lead us into a stronger relationship with Him. They bring us to our knees to worship the One who is worthy of our worship. Yes. That's what these miracles are:

M - Mercy-filled

I - Inexplicable and

R - Remakable

A - Acts that

C - Convey

L- Loving

E - Encouragement

...from the everlasting God.

Please agree with me in prayer for these 7 miracles and for me to be diligent and mindful of what I am praying for. I pray I would see the answer to these requests even if they are not the answers that I am looking for. I pray that whatever the Lord has in store that I would be more grateful tomorrow than I am today and that I can be faithful and trusting of God's very best for me and for my family.